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usly from the regime of order； hygiene and discipline that i mean to instill in the house。 i shall not go out to them。 no doubt they will expect me to； and it will suit my purposes to disconcert them at this stage。
mrs。 dunne showed me the rooms on the ground floor。 there is filth everywhere； all the surfaces thick with dust； and curtains hanging in tatters； though she does not see it and thinks of them as they were years ago in the time of the twins’ grandfather； when there was a full staff there is a piano that may be beyond saving； but i will see what can be done； and a library that may be full of knowledge once the dust is wiped and one can see what is there。
the other floors i explored alone； not wanting to inflict too many stairs at once on mrs。 dunne。 on the first floor i became aware of a scuffling； a whispering and smothered giggling。 i had found my charges。 they had locked the door and fell silent when i tried the handle。 i called their names once； then left them to their own devices and went on to the second floor。 it is a cardinal rule that i do not chase my charges； but train them to e to me。 the second…floor rooms were in the most terrible disorder。 dirty； but i had e to expect that。 rainwater had e through the roof （i expected as much） and there were fungi growing in some of the rotting floorboards。 this is a truly unhealthy environment in which to raise children。 a number of floorboards were missing； looked as if they had been deliberately removed。 i shall have to see mr。 angelfield about getting these repaired。 i shall point out to him that someone could fall downstairs or at the very least twist an ankle。 all the hinges need oiling； and all the doorframes are warped。 wherever i went i was followed by a squeaking of doors swinging on their hinges； a creaking of floorboards； and drafts that set curtains fluttering； though it is impossible to tell exactly where they e from。
i returned to the kitchen as soon as i could。 mrs。 dunne was preparing our evening meal； and i had no inclination to eat food cooked in pots as unpleasant as the ones i had seen； so i got stuck into a great pile of washing up （after giving the sink the most thorough scrubbing it had seen for a decade） and kept a close eye on her with the preparation。 she does her best。
the girls would not e down to eat。 i called once and no more。 mrs。 dunne was all for calling and persuading； but i told her that i have my methods； and she must be on my side。
the doctor came to dine。 as i had been led to expect； the head of the household did not appear。 i had thought the doctor would be offended at this； but he seemed to find it entirely normal。 so it was just the two of us； and mrs。 dunne doing her best to wait at table； but needing much help from me。 the doctor is an intelligent； cultivated man。 he has a sincere desire to see the twins improve and has been the prime mover in bringing me to angelfield。 he explained to me at great length the difficulties i am likely to face here； and i listened with as much politeness as i could muster。 any governess； after the few hours i have had in this house； would have a full and clear picture of the task awaiting her； but he is a man； hence cannot see how tiresome it is to have explained at length what one has already fully understood。 my fidgeting and the slight sharpness of one or two of my answers entirely escaped his notice； and i fear that his energy and his analytical skills are not matched by his powers of observation。 i do not criticise him unduly for expecting everyone he meets to be less able than himself。 for he is a clever man； and more than that； he is a big fish in a small pond。 he has adopted an air of quiet modesty； but i see through that easily enough； for i have disguised myself in exactly the same manner。 however； i shall need his support in the project i have taken on； and shall work at making him my ally despite his shortings。
i hear sounds of an upset from downstairs。 presumably the girls have discovered the lock on the pantry door。 they will be angry and frustrated； but how else can i train them to proper mealtimes？ and without mealtimes； how can order be restored？
tomorrow i will start by cleaning this bedroom。 i have wiped the surfaces with a damp cloth this evening； and was tempted to clean the floor； but told myself no。 it will only need doing again tomorrow when i scrub the walls and take down the curtains that are so thick with dirt。 so tonight i sleep in dirt； but tomorrow i shall sleep in a bright clean room。 it will be a good beginning。 for i plan to restore order and discipline to this house； and to succeed in my aim must first of all make myself a clean room to think in。 no one can think clearly and make progress if she is not surrounded by hygiene and order。
the twins are crying in the hall。 it is time for me to meet my charges。
i have been so busy organizing the house that i have had little time for my diary lately； but i must make the time； for it is chiefly in writing that i record and develop my methods。
emmeline i have made good progress with； and my experience with her fits the pattern of behavior i have seen in other difficult children。 she is not； i think； as badly disturbed as was reported； and with my influence will e to be a nice child。 she is affectionate and sturdy； has learned to appreciate the benefits of hygiene； eats with a good appetite and can be made to obey instructions by kind coaxing and the promise of small treats。 she will soon e to understand that goodness rewards by bringing the esteem of others in its wake； and then i will be able to reduce the bribery。 she will never be clever； but then i know the limits of my methods。 whatever my strengths； i can only develop what is there to start with。
i am content with my work on emmeline。
her sister is a more difficult case。 violence i have seen before； and i am less shocked than adeline thinks by her destructiveness。 however； i am struck by one thing： in other children destructiveness is generally a side effect of rage and not its primary objective。 the violent act； as i have observed it in other charges； is most frequently motivated by an excess of anger； and the outpouring of the anger is only incidentally damaging to people and property。 adeline’s case does not fit this model。 i have seen incidents myself； and been told of others； in which destruction seems to be adeline’s only motive； and rage something she has to tease out； stoke up in herself in order to generate the energy to destroy。 for she is a feeble little thing； skin and bone； and eats only crumbs。 mrs。 dunne has told me of one incident in the garden； when adeline is known to have damaged a number of yews。 if this is true； it is a great shame。 the garden was clearly very beautiful。 it could be put to rights； but john has lost heart over the matter； and it is not only the topiary but the garden in general that suffers from his lack of interest。 i will find the time and a way to restore his pride。 it will do much to improve the appearance and the atmosphere of the house if he can be made happy in his work and the garden made orderly again。
talking of john and the garden reminds me—i must speak to him about the boy。 walking about the schoolroom this afternoon； i happened to e near the window。 it was raining； and i wanted to close the window so as not to let any more damp in； the window ledge on the inside is already crumbling away。 if i hadn’t been so close to the window； nose almost pressed to the glass； in fact； i doubt i’d have seen him。 but there he was： a boy； crouching in the flower bed； weeding。 he was wearing a pair of men’s trousers； cut off at the ankle and held up with a pair of braces。 a wide…brimmed hat cast his face in shadow； and i was unable to get a clear impression of his age； though he might have been eleven or twelve。 i know it is mon practice in rural areas for children to engage in horticultural work； though i thought it was more monly farmwork they did； and i appreciate the advantages of their learning their trade early； but i do not like to see any child out of school during school hours。 i will speak to john about it and make sure he understands the boy must spend school hours in school。
but to